be my secret, just for now.

i want to be one of your deepest secrets.

i want to be the one that pretends not to care but is really sitting in the field after dark below the full moon waiting for you to come and tell me "it's okay, i'm here now." i want to be the one you run to when you're lonely and who you call when you just need to hear my voice before your head hits the pillow at three in the afternoon. i want to be the one who you can't tell your friends about because you're afraid of jinxing it, and i want to be the one that picks you up after work and makes you laugh and who leans over from the drivers seat to kiss you and i want to be the one that gets to tell you she loves you and means it.

i want to be your everything, again.

it's in the way you smile and the way you walk and the silly way you dress. it's in the way you stare and the way you look at me and the way your pupils become wider as i hold your hand and tell you i love you.
it's in the way the stars seem to align and the way the moon glows and the sun shines and the way the leaves turn orange in the fall. it's in the way everything happens for a reason and it's in the way i could stand on the corner at two in the morning and have you drive by me a million and one times without noticing. it's in the way i could sing to you and you wouldn't be able to hear it and it's in the way i could fall asleep in your arms even though you wouldn't know i was there.
it's in the way i miss you terribly.

i want to be the one that's waiting at the finish line.

i want to be there to hear that you love me even if you don't want to admit it. i want to be around you more than i am and i want the only name you notice to be mine and the only voice you hear to be the one that escapes through my lips. i want you to want me and need me and walk through the rain to my house un-invited just so you can see the way my hair moves in the wind. i want everything that i can't have, and all that seems to be lately is you.

i want to hear your voice and read your words and look into your eyes without losing my focus and gaining my sobs. i want you, every single part.

just for now.
but maybe i can save some for later.